Lets face it, first dates bring out the nerves in the most seasoned campaigners and I don’t believe anyone is immune. When you think about it, your basically two people who don’t know each other all that well getting together to discover how compatible you may be. I’ve been told that for women a first date is an opportunity to analyze how well a man handles himself. They’ll consider how confident you are, or how reserved and shy! Does he have a calm and relaxed nature? Women are much better at this early stage than men would like to think they are. Most men are likely to keep it simple and see if there is likely to be a physical attraction. The other stuff can wait for further down the track.
The Pressures on the Man
Given this particular scenario, the pressure is usually on the guys so this section is more about addressing the issues a male is likely to face and the mistakes he might potentially make. That’s not too say that girls can’t make these errors too, so don’t skip over this assuming it doesn’t relate. There are some pretty obvious don’ts that really aren’t worth discussing in any detail so I will get them out of the way now. Don’t be late! Being late on your first date is such a bad first impression. In fact try and get to the venue a little earlier than was planned. Don’t act or look like a slob! Spend some time on your appearance and take a bit of pride in your presentation. Poor personal hygiene is noted as one of the top 3 complaints provided by women about men on first dates. I shouldn’t have to spell it out but take a shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes. Dress smart and it will impress, women like a man who takes some pride in his appearance, it indicates you have a sense of control over your life.
Always Tell the Truth
The other blatantly obvious point is to always tell the truth. Don’t oversell yourself, bragging is a very unattractive look and it won’t win you any points. Remember that the truth always comes out eventually, no matter how good you might think you are at concealing it. If this happens after you have already successfully begun to engage with someone you might be risking it all. Keep it simple and keep it true. Don’t over embellish your talents as the right person is going to fall for you no matter how normal you are.
Okay, lets get into the less obvious and really important stuff. My personal favorite is the guy I like to call “I’m Awesome Man”. These guys actually do exist and from what the girls have told me there are plenty of them out there. For some reason, they think it’s attractive to go on and on about themselves, usually for the course of the entire date. They will brag about how much money they make or what kind of car they drive. It could be about their house or even their friends, but no matter what the subject it will always revert back to them. Try to avoid falling into this category by listening and asking questions of your date. Create conversation that stems from the questions you ask about her and the answers she provides. It’s not rocket science but you would be surprised how hard some guys find this to do. Use her responses to your questions to lead the conversation and keep it simple and light-hearted.
It’s Not An Interview
The next personality type that girls comment on when talking about their first date experiences is “Mr. Interview Man”. You’re not applying for a job as this first date experience is about human connection. Try to avoid being too professional in your approach. Act naturally and try to be as close to the person you actually are. Win or lose, in the end at least you will know you didn’t try to be something you’re not. This character type is almost the exact opposite of “I’m Awesome Man” in that they will most likely ask too many HR type questions and come across like their in an interview for employment. Let the conversation flow and keep it simple. Try not to get into too much detail on the first date, there’s plenty of time for that later on down the track.
Turn Your Phone Off
Another classic mistake is the one made by “Cell Phone Guy”. Believe it or not he will actually answer the phone if it rings in the middle of this all-important first date. Okay, there are exemptions to the rule, but only for emergencies. If you absolutely have to answer the phone make it very brief, don’t have conversations with your mates and leave your date scanning the room for alternatives. Talking or texting on a first date is a huge error, what it tells your date is that you’re more interested in whoever is on the phone than you are in her. Don’t be mistaken, it doesn’t make you look cool or popular, it will come across as ignorant and impolite. Remember, the first date is part of the sorting process. If your date is doing this to you then perhaps you need to move on.
Don’t Get Plastered
I’ve said it before and I am going to say it again, very briefly. Don’t get stuck into the alcohol. For so many reasons this can potentially end badly. Maybe a glass of wine or two over dinner (always with food), but keep it to that. A moderate amount of alcohol can enhance the mood and loosen the tension but too much could potentially unleash the beast that is “Obnoxious Guy”. Keep it under control and you will have a much better overall experience.
Look out for part 2 of this article in coming days where we discuss consuming alcohol, the ‘ex’, the ‘first kiss’ and more. Until then, I wish you dating success!