Researchers tell us that one’s happiness depends on having a partner. If this is true, than in these days, when life expectancy becomes longer and longer, it becomes even more crucial that you find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy.
But can you do that? Do you know how to go about building a successful intimacy? What kind of experiences have you had by now? How many of them were a successful story and in how many have you failed?
Not losing hope about having a successful intimacy is great. And in order to achieve you goal you might keep engaging with dating sites, meeting others and trying to develop relationships.
But if you don’t succeed, for one reason or another, you might develop anxiety, thinking to yourself: “I still have years to live, and does it mean I will stay alone from now on?”
If an intimate relationship is of uttermost importance to you it is not only because of who you are, because of your need and wish to have a partner, but also because, in all likelihood, you have already retired, or are about to retire, and as you look forward to the coming years you really yearn to have someone with whom to share the joy and happiness of the coming years (which is a different joy than seeing your children and grandchildren – if you have any – growing and succeeding in their own lives).
If you have been trying to find a partner and build an intimate relationship but so far haven’t really succeeded – or succeeded only for a short while and the relationship fell apart – do you know what went wrong? And if this has happened to you more than once, even more than twice, does it mean there is here a pattern of failures? And if so, can you understand where this pattern is coming from, what attributes to this pattern?
Is it something in you which sabotages your attempts? This is not a simple question, since if you are not aware of what makes you fail you can’t even know if there is something in you which makes you fail. If this is the case, it is very likely that you don’t perceive yourself to be the reason for the failure, but rather attribute the failure to other factors, be it your partner, your not finding “the one and only”, your children (regardless of how old they are who might not like your new partner), your financial situation, and so on and so forth. It is always easy to not take responsibility for your failures but rather attribute them to something else.
However, if you notice that you fail time and again, and you still wish to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy, you may want to develop awareness to the facts that might contribute to your failed attempts: do you have any fears which stand in your way from developing a truly intimate relationship? Do you have any needs which make you put too many demands on a potential partner (to the point of being left time and again)? Are you too controlling and non-compromising (which makes life with you difficult)?
These, and other issues, might be the ones which derail you from building a successful intimacy. In other words, as much as you desire to have a successful relationship, you might be sabotaging your own attempts at finding one.
The primary solution to such a situation is for you to develop awareness: get in touch with the ways in which you shoot yourself in the foot in relationships. Having gained this awareness, having understood how you have sabotaged you attempts until now, you can then proceed to finding a partner with whom you’ll be able to develop a truly successful relationship.