Remarriage is a big step. If you’ve been divorced before, it can be extremely scary because you don’t want to go through that again. But the statistics show us that 75% of people who divorce end up remarrying. Unfortunately, statistics also show us that at least 60% of those remarriages end in a re-divorce. Sounds like fun doesn’t it?
One of the biggest problems I see with my coaching clients is that people just aren’t ready to remarry. Today, lets look at one of the ways you can KNOW you’re not ready.
If your main reason for considering a remarriage is because you are overwhelmed with single parenting and think a remarriage will alleviate that stress and offer you the help you need – you AREN’T ready. Is there the potential that a remarriage might do this for you? Sure, but there’s no guarantee. More than likely it will be MORE stressful because now you have a step family to contend with.
Here’s why this is a bad plan:
- You’re using the marriage as a crutch – it’s not so much about your new partner or how you can grow together and create a great life. This motivation is more selfish. It’s about helping you with your needs. Assuming that this new person will step in and become another parent to your children. This is a big mistake because step families just don’t work this way.
- You’re assuming that a step family will be easier than single parenting – boy are you in for a shocker! Step families are hard! You will not only be attempting to create a marriage but also trying to combine families. Demands on your time will increase exponentially. While you may believe having another person around to pick up the slack will offer you MORE time to relax, what actually happens is you have less.
- Typically, the courtship is rushed – if you’re so focused on just marrying to alleviate the stress, you won’t be as choosy as you should be. You’ll go for the first person who comes your way and is interested in getting married. Without enough time to really get to know one another you might wake up on the day after your wedding and realize you’re in bed with a complete stranger.
- You’ve not adjusted to your divorce adequately – I agree that single parenting is hard. I don’t discount that in the slightest. But, it’s just another adjustment that you MUST get through. There’s no getting out of it. Without dealing with those post-divorce adjustments, you’ve not grown. Without growth, you’re doomed to repeat your past mistakes.
So, don’t make this your main priority in looking for a spouse. I’ll go out on a limb and risk saying that as long as you’re feeling overwhelmed with your life as a single parent, you really shouldn’t be dating anyone, let alone trying to find a marriage partner.