Romance and the Loss of Love: What to Do After a Breakup – Do You Want Him? Three Steps to Survive

What is romance? This is the question I asked myself when he left me. It was hard losing him. I often wondered if it was him I missed, or maybe it was the idea of a promising and fulfilling romance that I missed. In all my years in the school of ‘hard knocks’ I didn’t learn how to survive the loss of love until I learned something very radical. I learned to embrace the loss.

It is not easy to accept a broken heart. My first thought was to repair it. I started looking for ways to fill the void. I joined a macabre class, I took yoga and I went to nightclubs. My girlfriends were also accommodating with my need to replace him. I was readily taken to backyard barbecues to meet everybody’s cousin, uncle and neighbor. One friend even introduced me to her unattached old boyfriend which made me feel uneasy for the unattached old boyfriend. I imagine my unattached old boyfriend doing the same thing to me. I wondered what he would say about me, ‘Hey this is Susan –you’ll love her. She makes the best meatloaf, a great dancer and she kisses swell too.” What a weasel. Why did I love him so much? Why did my broken heart hurt so much?

Oh but he still wanted to be friends. I didn’t. I wanted to kill him. I had heard of friends with benefits, but what about friends who wanted to kill you. I wondered if that would fit under the category of benefits. But the real question was, ‘is he what I really want?’ Below are three tips that helped me.

  1. Decide if he is what you really want. Once I was honest I realized I really didn’t like that he always forgot my birthday and Valentines Day. I didn’t like the way he danced. I didn’t like his family. I think it is important that you not settle for a life of suffering.
  2. Is he Mr. Right? Are you Ms. Right? If you are going to commit to a man make sure he is what you really want. What do you want in a life partner? Don’t kid yourself. Take into consideration what you have to offer. If you want Mr. Right you must first be Ms. Right. How do you do that?
  3. Self-Improvement. I decided to self-improve. I did everything possible to raise my self- value. I learned to get my emotions under control. I learned to have more self-discipline and to educate myself on world events to improve my conversation. Once I achieved that state of mind I knew I could not only survive the loss but I could come out the winner.

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