You will be amazed at the levels of toxicity that can be hurled at you when you least expect it. And while you want to eliminate the toxins you may find yourself at a loss, because simply put, breaking away from an unhealthy atmosphere may be impossible. Here are some thoughts on toxicity and why it is paramount to eliminate the fumes.
Unable to break free from a situation despite trying?
Many of us face a breakdown of communication at some time. The perfect answer may be to end the nasty war of words. Breaking the link that caused the damage to unfold may seem to be the ideal choice. Situations beyond our control make it impossible to get past the sludge and walking away may not be a viable choice.
Relationships also break down because of a variety of reasons one being toxic influences. Extreme hate makes it impossible to get out of the muck. If you can rid your mind and heart of the hurt and hate, life in toxicity can be eliminated. But it can be quite a herculean task if it is a one-way street.
What should you do, when you are in a toxic situation? Simply put – do not feed the beast. Once you do there is no turning back.
Are you an enabler? Or enabled?
An enabler always gives in to the whims and fancies of people. Saying no will cause serious ramifications. To put it not so delicately – it makes life difficult for the enabler as s/he has become someone’s bitch or a slave.
When you enable someone the enabled uses this as a power play. An enabler may realize the folly of her/his ways down the line and want out of the situation. It is at this point when all hell can break loose. The toxic fumes can cause the relationship to go south. But when you think about it, was it an equal relationship for real?
A person who has been enabled will not or may not realize her/his brand of a superiority complex. The reason being that s/he may have had it easy. As an enabler, if you pull the plug life will be torturous. The enabled one will unleash her/his wrath without seeing reason. It may cause serious relationship problems with the parties involved.
If an enabler and the enabled meet halfway by taking stock of each other’s role in the relationship, there may be is light at the end of the tunnel. If not, the enabled will not want to give up her/his space of one-upmanship. It, therefore, becomes a necessity to find another enabler.
Enabling someone is toxic as it does not provide a healthy relationship. If the enabled gets rid of the ego, life can be free from the fumes of toxicity.
Power and prestige cause irreconcilable differences.
Being financially secure is a necessity, that is a given. Most often the enabled has a double standard. The enabler may continue down the toxic road while the enabled will take advantage of the enabler. It provides the enabled with an upper hand using the enabler as putty that can be molded. The enabler may continue making excuses for the enabled without realizing s/he is being played.
Helping people out is natural, more so when someone is genuinely unable to do anything for her/himself.
A point of view however is when you keep on assisting a person who can manage. The independence that the individual enjoys will fade into oblivion and that is where the damage occurs. And in this context, the enabler may find themselves in a catch 22 situation because s/he has contributed to the problem.
Being dependent on someone all the time is not the order of life unless medically proven. Unfortunately, some people want to be petted and pampered because of unrelenting attitudes causing relationships to break resulting in toxicity. If you are enabling someone or enabled, try to stop this vicious cycle.
There you have it, two levels of toxicity in relationships. One is the breaking down of communication resulting in hatred. And the second – being there for someone gets misconstrued as being available all the time. In this regard, happiness may not be a dish served at the table. It will be toxic fumes. The best way out of this horrid situation is to break free, physically or emotionally. A call that should be made without malice or fear. End of story.